REPORT: Family Enhancement Camp 2014 (Tobago)

By Alwyn and Lucinta Mandeville (Kingstown Church of Christ, SVG)
The following journal is a report on the Family Enhancement Camp 2014 organized by the Arima Church of Christ (TRINIDAD) and held at Turtle Beach by Rex Resorts, Courland Bay, Grafton Road, Tobago. The camp ran from October 17 - 19, 2014 and the coordinator was bro. Murchisson Alexis.

Alwyn and Lucinta Mandeville

The camp began with the coming together of members from various parts of Trinidad and Tobago and incorporated two members from St. Vincent and the Grenadines Bro. & Sis. Alwyn and Lucinta Mandeville. We must say what we experienced was nothing short of total surrounding of love laughter and joy.

The camp began on the Friday night approximately forty (40) persons (couples and singles) were in attendance at a round table session, which later highlighted discussions with:

1. One single young brother;
2. One married couple;

Both gave their insight of the present state of their individual relationships and how they see themselves developing for the future. A family feud and newlywed trivia was played which incorporated three (3) couples; this was done to bring about awareness to how well spouses know each other’s thoughts and habits, for those of us who looked on, it was an eye opener as to how well we ourselves really know our spouses, their likes and dislikes. This session was rounded off with a karaoke blend and for some of us who could not hold our tone, this brought about laughter, none the less it was soothing and very welcoming by all.

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SESSION 1

Saturday greeted us in our morning devotion. The message preached by Bro. Scotland was short; but emphatically clear. He admonished us that we should embrace the theme “Building on the Foundation on Jesus”, especially in our marriages and relationships as a whole. He underlined the following:

• Both husband and wife responsibility must not be compare to a pet, car, house etc.;
• Husbands must sit with their wives in service (not he in the front and she in the back;
• They should not bad talk one another;
• Husbands should not be harsh to their wives;
• Husbands need to adjust themselves with their wives (because she goes through changes/stages; e.g. mode swings);
• Wives must respect their husbands (e.g. the media portray the wives as disrespecting their husbands and there is a fear that this practice is creeping in the church). He strengthened the point by looking at Sarah’s attitude towards her husband Abraham, as well as Eph 5 vs 33;
• He was passionate when he stated that many husbands suffer at nights for mistakes made in the day. He sees respect and responsibility to children as critical and this must be exemplified on all account. He urged parents to ensure that they bring up children/daughters who would like to have their spouses as preachers and servants in the Lord’s church and that this should be done early in their adult lives.  
• Bro. Scotland accentuate the fact that parents should ensure that their children do not reach the “pig pen” stage and come back, because he/she was not prepared for life. In essence, parents should train their children as God has commended in his words so that even if they leave like the prodigal son (pig pen stage) they would return to that parental training which was instilled in them.
• The church must see a harmony between parents and children as this can be a hindrance in the church;
• As parents we should nurture and admonish our kids, (not just when there is peace and calmness) pull them and read/study from God’s words;
• He summed it up beautifully by heightening the fact that when some children becomes eighteen (18) years they stop doing chores in the home and stated that this should not be tolerated; and quoted that if they cannot work in the home they cannot eat; hence they are not prepared for a marriage. They will then leave and take a spouse who is hard working and portray their laziness;
• He urged children not to see their parents as old when they ‘get big’ hence they see them as slaves, doing their choirs in the home; (Prov. 5)
• The responsibility of the family is to LOVE GOD; let him be our beginning and our end;
• He warned that in the beginning of a marriage one may not see the attitude of the man/woman they married, it may change for the first years; but begged to hold on with God’s grace.

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SESSION 2

At 9:00 am – 12:00 pm the theme “Balancing work, Church and Home” was presented in two (2) phases by bro. Murchisson Alexis “The man’s perspective” and sis. Anastasia Antoine “How to change your spouse”; both presentations shared some pertinent points which husbands and wives generally sometimes overlook, such as:

• Workaholic for God – members will like you if you when you are a workaholic in the church; he gave example of a brother who lost everything because he neglected his family for years.
• He warned the members that living in this modern times should not be contrary to the will of God (Roms 8) we should live according to the spirit;
• He stressed that quality time is of vital importance when it comes to the family; and when situations arise, we then say I could have/would have or should have utilize the time together. Roms 15 vs 14. For the potential spouse, we must let the children/youths know the mistakes we have made, so that they do not make it/them themselves (testimonies);
• He brought home the point that many women feel bad for being a homemaker and the society and the church is responsible for this. We see her as lazy, not helping her husband, a no good. We do not realize that she is working in the home and the tremendous input she is making, e.g. bringing up the children to face the world (well mannered and being of Christ);
• We must understand that adults behave as overgrown children. They look for attention (when couples are going to marry it is normal for them to have a bachelorette and bachelor party, this generally is a send off from the single life. Their previous single life style is behind them, now time must be spent with spouse, hence they should now become best friends. He reiterated the point made before that couples becomes so bound down that the passion for each other is being neglected, especially when the woman’s body changes due to motherhood etc.

We broke off into groups to discuss what was presented so far and each group presented their thoughts and got feedback during their various presentations. An interesting thought was shared regarding:

• Sometimes in the service there will be children running up and down and the mothers are on most occasions the ones to get up to take care of those children, while the husbands sits as if they are immune to the noise the child/children is making.

The Mandevilles with their daughter, Donella (left)

After the break, sis. Antoine took the mantle with a powerful topic: “How to change your spouse”, and for many of us as wives who thought this was the breakthrough we were waiting for, we got a shock when she made the following points:

• She made mentioned that a man may thinks this is the woman he wants; but later on changes his mind because of issues which may arise;

• The woman on the other hand thinks that whatever ills he has he can be worked on; but the man feels that he is too mucho and does not need to change. More adamantly, he needs no help from anyone. She cited that there are other brethren who can help because they would have gone through situations such as this before.

• She revealed that Christian marriages are breaking up more and more today and in some cases more than non-Christian ones. She reiterated the point that both men and women will change over the years, be it biological or physical and feels that proper education is relevant to these issues. Men must have the motivation to change and it involves both men and women.   

• She brought to light the fact that when we get married it must be understood that we come from different cultures where our parents thought us to do things differently. Hence, spouses must seek to be more understanding and not judgmental. Too often, it is evident that partners blame each other for their unhappiness and fail to see that each one contributes to each other’s behaviour. No one should see each other as perfect; notwithstanding, many of us become defensive, therefore we resist change and thus retard progress in our marriages.

CHANGE OF VIEW
Sometimes we try to change our spouse and do not look at ourselves (Matt 7 vs 3) in essence, we try to take the specs out of our spouses’ eyes and forget to remove the beam out of our own eyes. She aroused the question “How much do you tell your spouse of the positives and not the negatives.

CHANGE YOURSELF AND CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE
She repeated the fact that spouses should realise that their partners are not perfect. He/she will not change for you because they may not see the need to alter themselves for you. It is necessary though to change your behaviour, attitude and heart.

If one modify their attitude, change may come about (seek not to nag). E.g. if your husband is fat, initiate the change by helping him rather than cursing him. Don’t try to withhold from him. Exercise patients and help the situation and bring about some positive behaviour.

• Inputted example by a participant: When you buy a car, you buy it as is taking into consideration that you can alter the colour, rims to suit yourself. However, the body is the perfect shape you desire; but the accompaniment will have to go. 

Sis. Antoine highlighted the fact that marriage is a work in progress, we have people divorcing at retirement age and this should not be, marriage is for a life time. 

This session was ended with pertinent questions and answers from the participants and facilitators and all in all they were well received by the brethren and it was perfectly clear that each share a semblance of issues affecting one another. Whatever life throws at us it is imperative that we know that we are not alone and whatever decisions we make on any given issues will certainly decides where we are going.

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Some of the camp attendees in African and Indian wear. Click to enlarge.

SESSION 3

The evening dinner topped it all off, it was simple exquisite, coordinators and participants turn out in their various African and Indian cultural wears to celebrate the 15th Anniversary of the Family Enhancement Programme, it was something to behold. There was also performance from a powerful voice – Ms. Nickita Thomas and dance by the Traditional Tobago Folklore Dancers (Les Coteaux Cultural Group) accompanied by drummers. There was a culmination of activities/presentations. The theme for the dinner was “Appreciating; Making it Sweet”, for us this was the highlight of the night where couples made presentations of appreciation to their spouses with tremendous emotional and sentimental efforts in dancing, serenading, poetry and the renewing of vows.  The procession was then concluded by the sticking of a cake by the hardworking coordinators of this wonderful enhancement programme.

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SESSION 4

Sunday morning service was done by bro. Alexis who started the sermon by reminding us that giving praise to God was of utmost importance and that we must not take lightly that saying hallelujah which means  ‘Praise ye the LORD’ is relevant in the service today.  

The sermon was taken from Acts 16 vs 25-34. He highlighted the power of prayer; and the fear of the Philippians jailer when he saw the prison doors open and thought that Paul and Silas had fled. He then show us the importance of saving our household first as the Philippians jailer did.

Many of us can affirm to the things mentioned and shared, we have heard them over and over again; but the question is how many of us apply them to our lives, our neglecting action always seems to be the norm. However, it is unquestionably clear that these prescription given to our life’s issues, nonetheless maybe hard to swallow; but it was exactly the remedy to our marital diseases.

After we all had lunch is was time for the fifty (50) participants (22 couples and 6 singles) to depart and we must accentuate the pain of separating with those brethren we have come to know, this feeling was something we was accustomed to in our own gathering in St. Vincent and the Grenadines. The feeling proved mutual as brethren expressed their dissatisfaction with the time spent, Yes, it was simply too short, our days were spent and we must part and go our separate ways. Just writing this piece brought tears of the joy and memories of the comradery felt among us, these are feelings we would like to have again, if it be the will of God.

In conclusion let me invite both couples and singles to session such as this, our experience was simple wonderful a feeling we extent to you our brethren. Far too many of us are carrying loads beyond our capacity. Remember I Pet 5 vs 7 states casting all your cares upon him for he careth for you. I truly believe Jesus have made such a provision for us; let us make full use of it.

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To God be the glory, for in him we live move and have our being!
Bro. & Sis. Mandeville

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